The following is part of a series pitting the merits and abilities of similar characters against each other. We open with a disclosure of the personal bias of the author then outline some ground rules and end with an example of how a fight between the two might unfold.

Ground rules: The combatants are as follows: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty and Checkov versus Picard, Riker, Worf, La Forge, and Data. This is an old fashioned brawl, no phasers allowed. I also want to clear up one discrepancy between the two series involving the Klingon race. The old TV show depicted them as basically human (probably for budget reasons) and had episodes were every member of the crew could easily hold their own in a fight with one. This fight will use the modern depiction of Klingons.

Personal bias: My favorite movies feature Kirk’s crew while my favorite series feature Picard’s. I guess that makes this a wash.

Fight! McCoy, Scotty and Checkov are nothing special alone, but they watch each other’s backs and have more experience brawling the your average Starfleet officer. Their best chance is to act as a berserking group and take out who they can early. La Forge is targeted first. Scotty lays into him with all his weight and La Forge is floored. Riker comes to his aid, assaulting Scotty. Riker is formidable and could take Scotty one-on-one, but Checkov grabs him from behind allowing Scotty to pummel him. La Forge starts to come to only to be greeted by McCoy’s fist. Meanwhile…Kirk goes for who he assumes is the most dangerous: the captain. Picard deflects Kirk’s first blow and before Kirk can swing a second…Data hurls Kirk across the room. Kirk is dumbfounded at Data’s strength, noting that his opponent may by stronger than even the likes of Khan.

Spock is left facing Picard, Data and Worf. Spock deducts that Data is likely a robot and avoids contact. Worf attacks! Spock darts to the side and uses Worf’s forward motion to launch him over a command console. Picard moves closer to tackle Spock, but it only makes him vulnerable for the FSNP (Famous Spock Neck Pinch!) Pacard falls limply to the ground. Worf recovers next to McCoy as he knocks La Forge unconscious. Worf backhands McCoy, propelling him backwards into Checkov. Checkov releases Riker as a result, who repays Scotty with an uppercut. Checkov turns to a charging Worf. He runs with both arms extended and tackles both Checkov and McCoy to the metal flooring. The collision knocks McCoy out. Checkov and Worf grabble with each other until Worf gets a hold of his neck. Kirk comes to Scotty’s aid and together they overcome the already weakened Riker in time to face the threat of Worf. Spock regroups also. It is a sore Scotty, an angry Kirk and an unharmed Spock against an untouched Data and a wounded Worf.

Kirk, running on adrenaline and pushing the advantage of numbers, charges the remaining foes and signals to his compatriots to do the same. Scotty complies, as does Spock hesitantly. Spock has already run the odds of their victory and they are not favorable. Kirk attempts to take his Klingon aggression out on Worf, but his attacks are systematically blocked by the better trained combatant. Once Spock arrives the two barely overpower Worf. Scotty tries to tackle Data, but ends up just hugging the waist of an unmovable android. Data replicates the FSNP he just observed and Scotty goes down. Data turns his attention to the last two exhausted fighters. Kirk finds the willpower to throw yet another punch, but Data intercepts Kirk’s fist and tosses him aside. Spock realizes it’s over, but makes one last effort to defend his friend. This only results in Data breaking the Vulcan’s arm almost by accident then knocking out the last conscious crew member.

Results: Picard’s Crew wins, mostly thanks to Data.