Come one, come all and bare witness to the newest and freakiest season of ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’!!! I must admit I had to watch the season opener quite a few times to wrap my brain around all that was happening, under and outside of that big circus tent, but when it comes to AHS, once is never enough.

In my humble opinion, this is by far the most visually stunning season yet; the vibrant colors, amazing sets, costumes to swoon over , but most importantly – the makeup. To those of you that watched last night, you would have been introduce to our new pal and breakout star, Twisty the Clown (scariest f*cking clown since ‘It’). After such an introduction, you may have felt the urge to sleep in your parents room, because Twisty is the stuff of nightmares. All of them. Forever. Seriously I may never sleep ever again. The stabbing. The cages. The horrible wind up toys that play haunting music. WHY? Why would Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk do such a thing to us?? Clearly there is a fascinating background to this characters story arc, and I for one can not wait to find out what it is. I mean, what has to happen to a person for them to think wearing a mask (now permanently burned onto my brain. I can never unsee it) like that is ok? NOTHING WILL EVER BE OK AGAIN.

Now on to the other, more lovable gang of sideshow performers. We have Jimmy Darling aka Edward Penis Hands (Evan Peters): The handsome man with pleasure inducing lobster-like hands. Also the son of the bearded lady, Ethel (Katy Bates). I’m going to take a pause here and mention that someone needs to fire her dialect coach. Is she Canadian? Is she from Baltimore? Where is she from to get an accent like that?? Puzzling, but I digress. If you’re a bored horny housewife, Jimmy is the answer to your prayers.

Next up we have the ring leader of this band of misfits (freaks sounds so harsh), Elsa Mars (Jessica Lange). Her rendition of David Bowie‘s “Life on Mars” was inspired and had me fan girling all over her. Hard. She is 100% someone you’d want on your side if sh*t ever hit the fan, not to mention her wardrobe game and blue eyeshadow is on point. Don’t let her flawless appearance fool you though, she has some secrets under that dress of her own.

We have an adorably pint sized woman from India, we have an Amazon woman, we have a sward swallower and a man with what appears to be arm nubs with fingers at the end. But the main attraction tonight, is the woman with two heads, Dot and Bette Tattler (Sarah Paulson). Two hearts, four lungs and a whole lot of baggage. Just imagine when it’s their ‘time of the month’…yeesh. It took some persuading (and a little murder) to get these lovely gals to stay with our gang, but it seems like they’ve finally found where they belong. One of us, one of us, we accept her, we accept her!!!

What is so well done about the characters this season, is that you’re rooting and identifying more with Elsa’s troop then you are with the so-called ‘normals.’ Take Gloria (Frances Conroy) and her son Dandy (newcomer to AHS, Finn Whittrock) for example. They’re rich, seemingly well dressed and mannered but in reality their horrible HORRIBLE people. Mommy dearest will do anything to keep her precious baby boy happy (he’s the living worst. I hope Twisty gives him something to really cry about) by trying to buy Dot and Bette. Seriously? You want to buy another person (or is she technically two?) for your sons entertainment? What’s going to happen when he gets bored with her? Just throw her away? Not to mention, she ragged on Elsa’s Bowie number!! Who the hell does this lady think she is? They need to be stopped.

In another ‘normal’, we find the epically failing candy striper who tries to cry wolf after a sex fueled night brought on by an over use of opium. I very much enjoyed the sequence of Elsa putting little miss Peppermint Paddy in her place though, when she showed her with a home movie just how much she actually enjoyed her little stint with the freaks. Tickled me to watch her get verbally bitch slapped with visual aids. Take that, you Normal!!

One thing that remains consistent is the main title sequences and how they f*cking rock my socks off. This new one is by far the most developed and advanced, I literally couldn’t look away, it was so mesmerizing. They switched up the music slightly, but I think that only adds to it.

Although we haven’t met all the misunderstood ‘monsters’ yet, one thing is for damn sure, I’ll be waiting with breath that is bated and sleeping with a baseball bat beside my bed. Until we meet again, Twisty, I bid you adieu.

Let us know in the comments section below if you enjoyed the season opener of ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’!!