First things first, this week’s episode of ‘Lost Girl’ does not feature a creepy, over-the-top, oh-my laden snake man in the guise of George Takei and we are all lesser for it. That said, there is a lot to like about ‘Sleeping Beauty School’ and as always the following recap is rated TV MA DLSV and may contain suggestive dialogue, strong language, sexual situations, and violence. Intended for mature audiences, reader discretion is advised… or not.
The episode opens with a shot of Trick bleeding over a photo of Bo, but not in a creepy way, as he reminds the audience that everyone now remembers his darling granddaughter and they all want her back safe and sound. Cut to a spectacularly broody Dyson returning to the scene of his and Tamsin’s car crash. Dyson turns on the smell-o-vision and pulls a scratchy, feral little blonde girl from the bushes.
Quick fade to the mildly suggestive Lost Girl logo and we find our favorite Russian runaway, and the woman who proved last week that she can carry an episode all by her lonesome, Kenzi. Kenzi is making the bed, silk sheets, rope, blindfolds and otherwise getting home ready for Bo’s imminent return. Dyson enters and introduces Kenzi to mini-Tamsin, the feral girl from the crash site. Apparently Valkyries have many talents and being reborn ain’t no big thang. Plus, mini-Tam may know where Bo is. Dyson leaves her to Kenzi and the adventures in babysitting commences.
Cut to Ronny’s, a diner on the outskirts of… someplace, and an amber haired Lauren who is calling herself, well, Amber. We blink and are back with the gang. Dyson and Kenzi are discussing Mini-Tam with Trick who elaborates on the rebirth policies of Valkyrie, reminding everyone they deal in the souls of the dead. They see so much death in a lifetime that sometimes they repress those memories in the next. This means we are probably going to go most of the episode without any revelations.
Trick uses the compass, remember that, to learn that Bo is alive but not quite on this plane. Not the 747 tiny bag of peanuts kind, but the physical reality kind. Cut to Bo. Finally, six minutes into the second episode of the season we get a scene with the main cast member! Our favorite Succubus wakes up on the wrong side of a moving, old-timey, ghost train bed.
Back to Dyson and Trick who relates he had to cut his way out from an encounter with Bo’s psychotic SucuMom, Aife. It’s time to talk Trackers. The gang needs a really good one to traverse the ethereal planes between existence and what not to find Bo, and Trick wants the legendary Tracker Endemian to do the job. The only problem is nobody has seen him in ages. Time to start tracking down leads.
Cut to my new favorite creepy bad guys in a television series, or perhaps simply misunderstood torturey old-schoolers – the Una Mens. They have poor Vex all naked, bound, and kinda flayed. These creepy androgynous powerbrokers of the Fae community want to know what Vex did with the Morrigan’s body. Hey, guess what, Evony is not dead! She’s escaped and is staying on the down low. The Una Mens interrogator lets Vex know, in his/her own charming ye olde English way that she doesn’t particularly care for him or his Mesmer kind. In fact, big reveal, Vex is the last Mesmer! Time to die. Mad-Eye Moody walks over to the wall-o-masks and pulls down an unsettling mask entitled “Last Mesmer.” It was right next to the one that looks like Lauren and is labeled “Human Doctor.” Before the mask is placed on Vex, which I’m guessing would be swiftly followed by some horrific death or cosplay, the master manipulator throws out an offer they can’t refuse. Let him live and he’ll bring them Bo. Offer accepted. One Ceti Eel down the throat later and we cut to Selene’s Beauty School.
It’s makeover time for Dyson and Hale. While Dyson goes off to get his badge polished by Selene Hale stumbles upon Clio, played by my ‘Defiance’ crush Mia Kirshner! She tells Hale that someone named Astrid can help track down the Tracker.
Back to Kenzie and Mini-Tam, who is asking the difficult questions like, “Is Dyson your boyfriend?” “Have you ever had a boyfriend?” “Why’d you break up?” etc. Mini-Tam hits the head and ends up flushing Kenzie’s Fae gel for some nefarious reason I’m sure. No more disguise. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt her at the most inopportune time.
Dyson and Hale are talking to Astrid, a beautiful Fae who just happens to be mouthless. Love those little Fae quirks. Apparently Clio was trying to get the dynamic duo’s memories wiped, but that was so last episode, and Astrid doesn’t much care for Selene and her evil sorority sisters so she decides to help them. She whips up a potion, called “One Kiss,” of course, and gives Hale a parting spritz of love juice.
Cut to the beauty school and a bunch of blondes dancing around in shorty shorts and cleavage tunics. Dyson and Hale quip and Defiance Crush appears with a chip on her shoulder. Girls, it’s feeding time. Or so Clio thought. Apparently once the girls get a good whiff of Hale the feeding frenzy is put on hold and an Axe Body Spray commercial starts shooting. Dyson runs off to continue the hunt, leaving Hale the center of attention. Girls, it’s feeding time… but this time in a good way.
Kenzie and Mini-Tam are baking cookies and talking BFFs. The wild child touches The Wanderer tarot card, which bursts into flames. MMXV is revealed to be on the burnt card. Is Bo trapped in the card?
Cut to Dyson who comes across a life sized painting of a naked Selene. Oh look, there is a huge safe behind it. Not one for subtlety, the big bad wolf just rips the safe door off its hinges and walks into the room on the other side. Hey, the Tracker is found! Unfortunately, Eddie is fast asleep and no matter how many times Dyson slaps him he’s not waking up.
We join a jittery Amber back in the diner who is dropping plates and getting hit on by the cute blonde. Cut to Dyson and a naughty Selene who is refusing to wake up Eddie. A little magic mace to the face and a sleeping beauty moment later and Eddie is awake and in the hunt for Bo.
Back to the train. Bo is locked in her compartment and lacking her BFF’s B&E skills. Luckily her banging on the door brings yet another cute blonde, a maid, rushing into the room. Seriously, who is counting the cute blondes in this episode? If this was a drinking game, a shot every time a cute blonde is on screen, we’d all be dead from alcohol poisoning. This one brings a warning though. Cut out all the racket or you’ll wake “him” up. Even a little Succubus bedazzling doesn’t cut to the heart of the matter as an unsettling moaning and groaning rocks the Hogwarts Express.
Dyson, Hale, and Eddie are hot on the track of Bo. Eddie wants to know what makes Bo tick but Dyson, being Dyson, skips the important parts and just deals in the facts. He then shows the Tracker a picture of the burned and newly labeled tarot card via the magic of the iPhone. Bo is in a heap of trouble and Eddie wants out. But wait, Dyson has a moment and launches into a clumsy yet sweet description of Bo’s heart and character. See, the old softy really does love her. This gets Eddie’s attention and sets them back on the path. After the requisite “Hale you need to man up and tell Kenzie how you feel” conversation, the gang resumes the hunt for Bo.
Back to the diner, Amber gets done waiting on a Neanderthal stereotype, slides into a booth next to pretty blonde Crystal and says my favorite line from the entire episode. “I think that guy just slapped my butt with his eyes.” The charm of that moment is lost when stereotype guy starts choking. Doctor Amber jumps to action but all the Heimliching in the world isn’t coughing up this obstruction. It’s time for a tracheotomy. A butcher’s knife to the throat reveals less food down the wrong pipe and more… throaty fae neck mouthy stuff. It’s a good thing Crystal got the whole thing on iVideo.
It’s Eddie and Dyson, walking the train tracks, ostensibly looking for a dead body to poke with a stick. Eddie is regaling Dyson with tales of past dimensional exploits. Time to jump through a rift.
Back to Kenzie’s place. Mini-Tam is taking a nap and Hale is there to talk feelings and stuff. He spills his guts, sweet turns to hawt, a table gets cleared… but alas, it’s just the fae spray love juice talking. Or is it? Not that it matters but like so many married couples a kid ruins the moment. Mini-Tam screams and the two rush in to find a not so mini Tamsin. Kids, they just grow up so fast and this one went from zero to C cup in 60 seconds.
Eddie and Dyson are doing the temporal shift thing when they come across hot dogs and a strange fae device of some kind, complete with undecipherable fae writing all over it. And buttons. There were lots of buttons. Apparently this is an interdimensional door opener and just as Eddie tries to make it work he is attacked by Clio. Dyson hits her in the face with an umbrella, knocking a tooth out and making her cry – the brute! Wait, Clio was just manipulating the man with her tears. I have never heard of such a thing! A little mutual choking later and Clio declares herself the one true Eddie.
Turns out while sleeping beauty was under Selene’s spell Clio picked up the tracking slack. She was pretty good at it too. She’s an elemental who communes with all the elements and that makes her an incredibly good tracker. Eddie then started to sing a song but he got hit by a train. Moving on…
Dyson brings Clio back to Kenzie and Bo’s place where heads are put together and it’s deciphered that the flaming Wander card is actually a ticket to Ozzy’s Crazy Train. Clio and Dyson head back to the wrong side of the dimensional tracks, leaving an uneasy Kenzie looking after Teen-Tam.
Clio puts the ticket in the slot, not actually a ‘Lost Girl’ euphemism for once, and it’s time for some phone calls. AmberLauren calls Dyson. She wants to come home but it’s not quite safe for her yet. The Una Mens are still looking for her and they have a creepy mask with her face on it and stuff. Meanwhile, Vex, looking all the worse for wear, calls Clio. It’s deal making time. The whistle blows and the death train is speeding down the tracks. All aboard!
As the other subplots wind down we find Kenzie on the phone and filling a bag with items to hock while Teen-Tam sleeps the puberty away. Amber and Crystal share some shots and Amber gets caught trying to erase that iPhone video. Crystal is surprisingly good about the whole thing and is rewarded with a big old hug. Bo takes some of the maid’s essence and jumps from the train, ‘Star Trek’ style into darkness.
In the words of the immortal Clio, “Sh*t’s about to get interesting.”
