I would like to rate the article, as well the panel, NC-17. If you don’t care mostly pornographic anecdotes, I would suggest stop reading here. For the rest of you, you may laugh as I try to delicately describe what happened in a panel that ranged from topics about vagina soap dishes and penis windshield wipers.
Yeah. You read me right. Still wanna stick with it?
Awesome. Let’s do it.
The ‘Torchwood’ panel at DragonCon 2013 was billed as a reunion of sorts, as it was the first time in two years so many of the Torchwood actors were in one room. All have gone in so many directions, with Burn Gorman (Owen Harper) famously now having starred in Nolan’s ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ and Del Toro’s ‘Pacific Rim’. John Barrowman has moved on to ‘Arrow‘, and Eve is pursuing and filming dramas that hopefully will not be as ill-fated as ‘Frankie’. As for Gareth David-Lloyd, it’s hard to say what he’s up to.
Seeing Eve Myles (Gwen Cooper) again, however, was a particular pleasure. She had stopped going to conventions for a while because of the horrid fan backlash against her character, and this was her timid (well, not too timid seeing as we learned a lot of lurid details about what happened behind the ‘Torchwood’ scenes) return to the convention circuit. She was bubbly, charming, and dirty in a deliciously entertaining way, and I hope she comes back to the con circuit so everyone can enjoy her wit… and her dirty jokes.
Gareth David-Lloyd (Ianto Jones) has been a member of the DragonCon community for years, and the most loyal of the main cast to the convention, but this year he was more subdued in the wake of Eve and John’s typhoon.
And by typhoon, I mean a class five. John Barrowman fell down in his chair at his panel twice (to which Burn Gorman tried “swim out” to save him), kissed Burn Gorman twice, and Eve told a lot of stories that involved Barrowman’s todger. As for Gorman? He was surprisingly energetic and goofy. As fellow Woodies would attest, we’re used to Barrowman and Myles being crazy, and Gorman sort of laughing on the sidelines. Not so much this time!
Unfortunately, Naoko Mori didn’t make it, and no reason was give her absence. Truthfully, Mori is usually absent from conventions, and has tacitly expressed a certain nervousness about them. It does not surprise me. Her last con appearance was the final ‘Torchwood’ convention, HUB, and while I would have loved to see her, I don’t begrudge her nonattendance.
Questions were screened, but not well enough. Questions about becoming an actor (something which I guarantee only 1 out of the 1000 people who came to the panel cared about), or requests for Gareth David-Lloyd to speak Welsh happened (which is offensive no matter how you slice it, and this has been explained at panels before), which means there really was no point for screening the questions. It was sort of disappointing, really, the fan questions. But that didn’t stop the crew from answering every question in fun and thoughtful ways.
The highlights were John Barrowman (Jack Harkness) keeping a vagina piece which was a part of Myles’ pregnancy suit in “Something Borrowed” as a soap dish, or the story about how he kept the eye from “Random Shoes” clenched between his butt cheeks where he would announce he could see all. He also told about the time he used his tallywacker as a windshield wiper. The crowd found it immensely hilarious, and while his co-stars seemed unoffended by it all, I couldn’t help but think how lucky he was that he found the perfect cast that would never sue over sexual harassment.
Very little new about the show was learned in either panel with David-Lloyd, Myles, James Marsters, and Jane Espenson, but it was still a fan treat, largely due to David-Lloyd introduction to the cast of what “skiing” was, and Myles’ simply charming personality.
In the end, they asked whole-heartedly to push for another ‘Torchwood’ series, even with the actors who have since died and wouldn’t be able to make it back to the series at all.
Really, ‘Torchwood’ panels, as they always do, solidify that if you have a ‘Torchwood’ panel at a con, make sure you go. Wait in line for hours if you have to, because they are well worth it.