“Small planes are so shitty.”

Season 3 kicked off with a skydiving Extermination Challenge which saw Violencia! stay grounded, while Maxi Glamour aced the challenge with wide-eyed amazement. More on Violencia!’s refusal later, as it doesn’t sit well with our favorite duo.

Back at their spooky mansion, the Boulets indulge in a spa night, their tub full of warm Bear blood (the human kind). Our contestants, however, are in the dark on who survived. Priscilla Chambers is shocked to see Maxi strike a pose in the doorway again, and others are as well. The cardboard jokes begin, in reference to Maxi’s use of cardboard teeth for her look. Maxi takes it in stride. Some voice their confusion and/or anger at Violencia!’s choice.

Meanwhile, a possible feud sparks between Yovska and Maddelynn Hatter, as the prior has a habit of throwing shade at random which rubs almost everyone the wrong way. Maddelynn appears to take it personal. Dollya calls out Maxi for under-the-breath comments (“No mumbling!”). Priscilla crushes on Yovska. This is just the beginning, honey.

This episode spends the majority of its time behind the scenes, as each contestant discusses the upcoming theme, which happens to be “Vampire Queen.” Clarified by the Boulets as grotesque burlesque, with a choice to be ugly or beautiful. And yes, the dance moves will be scored as will their personalized hand fan for the challenge, materials courtesy of Dirt Squirrel (and delivered by manservant, Israel).

London, the show’s first drag king, expresses confidence. Louisianna looks to have an advantage, as she has burlesque experience.

A note on Louisianna: I’ve yet to warm up to her out of drag, but their looks thus far are very impressive. The fact that this episode’s showgirl look is barely vampiric yet still succeeds is a testament to her talents.

Our judges for this episode include Bonnie Aarons (The Nun, Muholland Drive) and Amanda LePore (life itself). It’ll be hard to top these guests, as LePore slo-mo encourages and rebukes, while Aarons is a delightful balloon burster with her cursings and critiques.

Before the floor show, the Boulets express their dismay at Violencia!’s non-participation, warning the others that such a thing shall not stand. They’re here to help, not hurt (well, maybe both).

The floor show turns out to be a good one. We’re served inspiration ranging from Studio 54 to a couple of Gary Oldmans (Evah and Hollow Eve). Reigning winner Dollya turns out a very different look, so points for not repeating herself. That said, her reveal is predictable due to the bulky look of her gown. Hollow’s big whig look, Landon’s macabre mariachi, and Louisianna’s putrid in pink are the looks of the night. A tough decision, but Landon’s fan use (a fold-out trumpet) helps her gain the win.

Yovska’s look is one of the strangest I’ve seen in a drag competition. A red devil with inflatable breasts and buttocks, I’m not sure what the intent was. Absurdity? Comic relief? Either way, it fails and she ends up in the bottom along with Maddelynn Hatter and St. Lucia. Maddelynn, whose looks are my least favorite of the season, is declared safe. So we have our possible exterminations. Per the theme, the remaining two have to battle over a plate of cow entrails, with a glass of blood to chase.

Making an impression by Episode 2 isn’t an easy thing to do. St. Luica never had what I’d call a “bad” look, but not one that struck a chord with me either. Dragula rules state that judging is based on how the look relates to the competition, and St. Lucia’s seemed to meet expectations, but never rose above them. As for Yovska, I want to see more from them, despite the baffling look she gave us tonight.

In the end, it’s the little red devil who chows down the hardest, elbows out, face inches from the plate. It’s a grotesque scene with gore everywhere, looking like a restaurant visited by John Wick. Night comes, and it’s St. Lucia who’s staked in the heart, then rolled back into her coffin. What could have been.

Wait, won’t being in a coffin heal her? Or am I mixing up my mythology?

Until next time, uglies.


Episode reviewed via Amazon Prime