If ‘Westworld’ has shown us anything, it’s that it will soon be difficult to differentiate between a robot and a human. So how can you tell the difference? Here are 5 clues that will help you out:

1. Say you and your significant other come back home from a successful date night. The candles are lit and the music is right, it’s looking like love making tonight. Suddenly, your partner gets a text from a co-worker about a deal that fell through with a big client. The mood is lost and now your partner is bummed out in front of their laptop. You say “Do you have access to your previous configuration? Access that, please.” If your partner keeps typing, congratulations you aren’t dating a host. Otherwise, congratulations, you’re having sex.

terminator-half2. Photoshop your partner’s image onto half a Terminator’s face and present it. If they say “It doesn’t look like anything to me,” then you have a host. If they say “WTF?” “I don’t get it,” or “you suck at Photoshop,” you have a run-of-the-mill human.

3. Your partner found out about that thing you didn’t want him or her to find out about. Now you’re fighting. It’s a big fight. Say “cognition only, no emotional affect.” If he or she gets even madder, you have a very pissed off human.

4. This one’s risky, I want to say that upfront. Tell your partner that you’re sleeping with their sibling. Does your partner kill you? If you’re reading this I’ll assume not and that’s undoubtedly thanks to no-harm programming. Hooray, you’re with a host!

5. Say you are trying to fall asleep because you need to wake up early for work the next morning but your partner wants to break down the sad state of American politics. Try saying “Soon this will feel like a distant dream. Until then, may you rest in a deep and dreamless slumber.” Didn’t work? Sorry to say, but you’re sharing a bed with a human.

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 Steven is a relativistically-locked time-traveler. Follow him on Twitter  for insights from the present.