Psh! Who needs that? For one thing, you’ve already seen ‘Thor’ and ‘The Avengers’ multiple times. You own them on Blu-Ray or DVD. Do you really want to crane your neck and stare at that big screen for six consecutive hours? Of course not. (Also, including ‘The Avengers’ is kind of an… “excursion.” I mean, when they release all the Iron Man movies in a boxed set, it’s not going to go ‘Iron Man’, ‘Iron Man 2’, ‘The Avengers’, ‘Iron Man 3’. Well, at least I 99% doubt it. Although upon further consideration, I’d take a boxed set with ‘The Avengers’ in lieu of ‘Iron Man 2’.)
Ahem, I digress. But all you really need is a refresher on the first ‘Thor’. Now you have that in just 90 seconds… and it’s rendered in 8 bit video game animation style!
Check it out!
See? Thor fights the Frost Giants. He has to wear clothes from The Gap. He gets cast out of Asgard. He gets hit by a Winnebago, then tazered. He goes to get the hammer. He’s not worthy. He gets shot by Hawkeye. (Remember HE was in the film?!) He fights the Destroyer. Gets the hammer back, since he’s now more humble. “Hold on Loki! Noooooooooo!” Boom! Done.
Okay there was more to it. Namely more characters. The Warriors Three and Sif don’t appear. And Thor never gets shirtless.
There. Fixed. And trust me, that would NOT have translated well in the 8 bit style. “For a crazy homeless person, he’s pretty cut.”
Now you’re all set to enjoy the majesty of ‘Thor: The Dark World’ without sitting through four extra hours of stuff you’ve already seen on smelly theater seats (which may or may not have bedbugs… oh that’s a thing!), being distracted by jerkwads who are live tweeting the whole thing, paying $57 for popcorn, a small soda (the size of a bucket of chicken) and some Raisinettes. Don’t even get me started on what passes for “nachos” these days.
Anyway, you’re welcome.
THOR: THE DARK WORLD, starring Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Natalie Portman, Christopher Eccleston, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgard, Jaimie Alexander, Ray Stevenson, Zachary Levi, Rene Russo, and Kat Dennings hits theaters on November 8, 2013.