This week’s science news proves the theories that robots and monkeys and possibly even robot monkeys are taking over our giant, giant universe.

Cue the “that’s what she said” jokes. Scientists found the biggest thing in the universe!

So, unless their rulers were upside down, researchers from the Sloan Digital Sky Survey have found the largest cluster of quasars. Quasars are bodies of young galaxies. Scientists once concluded that the largest quasar clusters were 1.2 billion light years across. However, this recent discovery of quasars, aptly named Large Quasar Group, is 4 billion light years across. This is truly a big- nay, Quasar-sized – deal because this discovery challenges both cosmological and mathematical hypotheses scientists theorized about the size, structure and evolution of our universe. So yes, it is almost as huge as the theory that Marilyn Manson is actually Paul from the Wonder Years.

Unlike mean kid from preschool, researchers indicate chimpanzees encompass sense of fairness.

Remember that scene from Aladdin when Aladdin steals the bread, but then he decides to give it to those hungry kids? Well, it turns out that our monkey-brethren may also respond to that quality. (However, Aladdin does depict Abu putting up a fuss, but I don’t want to split hairs…)

Primate researchers at Emory University studied six adult primates, utilizing the tenets of a test known as the “Ultimatum Game”. Researchers would observe the “winner” of the game to see if they would share their prize (bananas) with their fellow primates. If the prize-winner shared less than half of their prize, researchers noticed that the chimps expressed a sense of displeasure (the monkey-equivalent of “whining”, I suppose.)

Though there is much debate as to whether or not this determines if chimps have a sense of fairness, the only conclusion I can come to is that I’m pretty awesome for sharing my Oreos back in second grade. Man, I would KILL at Ultimatum Game. Just saying…

Robots are taking over… woodworking.

As if we weren’t doomed enough by Skynet! 60 Minutes had a story last night about the increased use of robots in US manufacturing plants, even performing tasks that are considered more basic. Though the use of robots is cost-effective and extremely helpful if you’re Iron Man, the growth of robot-use is accelerating way faster than job creation, putting a lot of woodworkers (and other labor positions) out of work. We don’t know when in the future these robots will actually rebel, but trust me, they will. They will.

Scientists in Paris figure out new DNA test to determine if long-dead people were good-looking.

Poland’s Institute of Forensic Research has created a DNA test called HIrisPlex that can determine the hair and eye color from the remains of humans who have been deceased for a really long time. For example, researchers were able to determine that WW II Polish General Wladyslaw Sikorski likely had blue eyes and blond hair by utilizing the HIrisPlex on from the genetic code of a tooth. By cross-referencing with other artifacts, scientists could potentially use this test to determine unknown identities of found remains.

2012 was the hottest year ever and I’m not talking about One Direction!

… Unless you mean the one direction our temperature is heading- – Up!

And you are welcome for that!

Anyway, this past Friday, the National Climate Assessment and Development Advisory Committee published their latest report that states that the average temperature rose a whole Fahrenheit degree, which has surpassed any other record.

China is dealing with a harsh winter and the Antarctic temperature is getting increasingly warmer. The study also cited Hurricane Sandy and the drought in the Midwest. Furthermore, did you know Australia had to add a new color to their weather map just to determine the forecast? More importantly, will the nightmare of the Day After Tomorrow ever leave my dreams?!?!?!?!

The Dark Knight Returns returns.

The precipitation shape on a Rapid Precision Mesoscale weather map looks like Batman. Geez, Commissioner Gordon must really be in a lot of trouble…