So this was the penultimate episode of the season, and it mostly served to get everyone in place for what is sure to be a bashit insane finale. The thing that’s made this season of ‘True Blood’ a wild improvement over the last (Iraqi fire-spirits not withstanding) is that it seems like they’ve actually taken the time to interweave everyone’ s storylines to give us something like an actual narrative, as opposed to just having a million kind-of interrelated subplots. The ‘True Blood’ style of writing seems to be ‘why the hell not’ but it’s good that they’ve learned to finally bake some of that craziness in the same oven.

Let’s start with Bill and the Authority: So Bill definitely drank the kool-aid, and now he’s talking like a member of the Manson family about how Lillith chose him to lead, and is basically being a huge self-righteous dick to everyone, most notably Jessica. Jessica wants to warn Jason and Sookie about Russell and Steve, but Bill refuses, telling her how much better his life has become since he stopped worrying about the cares and mortality of humans. She tries to lie her way out of there, saying she wants to make Jason a vampire, citing scripture and overall being pretty smart, but Bill is having none of it. He forces her to go to Bon Temps with a security escort to actually do the deed. Also, a general shows up at the Authority, demanding to see Roman, whom I had completely forgotten about, and telling them that the military has anti-vampire weapons they don’t even know about. They also have video footage of Steve and Russell eating that entire frat house, and will go public with it if anything happens. Eric and Nora are basically trying to keep their cover, having come to their senses about this Lillith thing. (Literally. This happens during a sex scene.) So Eric kills this general to prove that he’s still Team Authority  and it causes a big debacle and Nora and Eric get their chance to escape, doing that flying thing I completely forgot they could do.

Meanwhile, in Bon Temps: A whole lot of things. Jessica shows up under the guise of making Jason a vampire, but tricks her security detail and kills them, warning Jason about Newlin and Russell. At the Fairy Bar/Love Den, Sookie consults the Elder Fairy, who is apparently so old and knows so much stuff that she can’t focus, and this manifests in her dancing on the stage like a lunatic and asking Sookie if she likes Ke$ha. This lady was kind of a terrible actress, and I’m not even sure what the end result of their conversation was, but Sookie manages to convince her to help fight Russell by the end. It’s interesting how Anna Paquin’s pregnancy has kind of given Jason more to do with these stories, since she obviously can’t do a lot of the physical stuff the role used to require, and I kind of like it. Eventually, Jason is glamored into leading Russell and Steve to the fairy nest and when the Elder tries to fight Russell, he just drains her dry. The spell protecting the nest stops working, and Russell finds himself staring at an entire buffet full of fairy strippers.

Speaking of fairy strippers, Andy definitely got Maurella pregnant, even though it’s technically only been a week. This is one of those lame extraneous plotlines that might come in handy next week , but I hope not because I do like Andy and Holly together. But it was fun to hear Arlene ask if Andy “put that bun in her oven.”

At Fangtasia: After killing the new sheriff last week, Tara and Pam have cleaned every last bit of him that they can find, and think it will be enough. Jessica, having run away from her ordeal with Jason, asks Pam if she can hide there. Later, Tara, and Jessica make up for that fight they had over Hoyt earlier, and Jessica asks Tara if she likes Pam. As in likes likes her. And Tara clams up in a way that says yes, Tara totally digs Pam. I’d been wondering what kind of relationship this show had been planning for these two, and it always kind of oscillated between mother-daughter, maybe-girlfriends, and debutante-servant. But, remembering Tara’s fling with that lady boxer, I have no doubt that they’ll be a thing a eventually. Or maybe not, because Pam is arrested by Rosalyn for killing the sheriff, who was her progeny. She also catches Jessica hiding behind the door and snatches her away too, leaving Tara alone. If Tara doesn’t show up in wonderful fashion with that sword next week, I’ll be disappointed.

Sam and Luna continue to search for Emma at the Authority compound/bunker whatever it is, and eventually find her in one of the cages. Before they can free her, security comes to grab a human for Bill to eat, and Sam volunteers himself, hoping he can talk some sense into Bill. Good luck with that one, Sam. Hopefully Bill might remember the time they shared blood and had sexy dreams about each other.

There’s some… nonsense with Alcide and his dad, and Alcide chopping wood shirtless and being backwoods and depressing. He also stops some baby vamps from eating his neighbors and shoots them with wooden bullets. “When we die, we’re goo?!” one of them shrieks before death. I have no idea where Alcide will be for the finale. Probably being a lone wolf. Which is a thing that was actually said on this show.

Okay so we have Pam, Jessica, Sam, Luna, and Bill all in one spot for next week, and the previews all seem to indicate that Jason will end up there eventually. Nora and Eric are free, trying to stop them. Tara and Alcide are kind of wild cards – there’s no clues indicating where the finale will put them. Sookie has to not get eaten by Russell, although he can have the rest of the fairies. I tire of them. And I guess Terry, Arlene, and Lafayette are hanging at Merlotte’s trying not to let the rest of the town’s stupid get all over them.

Stray thoughts:

  • I know everyone hates Bill but I still find this transition from being lost about Sookie all the time really refreshing. I also think Stephen Moyer plays a dick really, really well.
  • Not gonna lie, I kind of wanted to see Jason become a vampire. I think people like Jason and Tara and Steve being vampires is much more interesting that people like, say Salome. We’ve seen cool, collected fatale vampires. I want to see people with real hearts become blood-sucking monsters.
  • I also really want to see the Sam/Bill thing come up again, because it was hilarious.
  • Even if she’s getting awkward trying-to-cover-up-pregnancy shots, Anna Paquin is looking all kinds of gorgeous and glowy.
  • “God is a vampire.” Only Alexander Skarsgard can get away with that stuff.

Did you miss an episode? Check out our recap of last week’s ‘Gone, Gone, Gone‘.