10 Totally Real Reasons Spider-Man Is Leaving The MCU

Even though on the surface they say they are trying to make it work, Sony and Disney are acting like two parents who have just drifted apart and the divorce is all but inevitable.  In this cinematic split, however, it’s Spider-Man and his fans who are the victims, as it appears that Disney’s and Sony’s disagreement over the financials of future Spider-Man films has doomed the character from future appearances in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

What does the future hold for Tom Holland and his excellent portrayal of the friendly neighborhood superhero?  Only time will tell, but for now, we want to focus on the root cause of this split: was it really just the finances or are there deeper-rooted reasons at play here?  Below you’ll find our best and absolutely completely serious and not-at-all cheeky guesses at what else might be going on behind the scenes of this issue.  Read on and enjoy.

WARNING: This list contains minor spoilers for ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home.’


1. ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home’ actually did open up the Multiverse and Peter Parker fell in.  Sorry to say, but our friendly neighborhood Tom Holland is off to adventures in other dimensions.  Perhaps he will someday come across an electrifying version of Jamie Foxx, or stumble upon Paul Giamatti dressing up as a robotic animal just for the fun of it?  Or maybe he’ll just cross paths with Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield?  Oh, a studio executive can dream!

via Twitter user @manuelaguds


2. Peter Parker figured out the ‘Star Wars’ connection and it broke his brain.  Peter Parker loves pop-culture movies and has referenced the Star Wars franchise several times.  Samuel L. Jackson starred in the Star Wars franchise as Jedi Master Mace Windu.  Peter Parker has seen Mace Windu on-screen.  Samuel L. Jackson also stars as Nick Fury in the MCU.  Peter Parker and Nick Fury finally met and shared significant screen time in ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home.’  Clearly, Peter connected the dots, figured out that he lives in a world of make-believe, and is now relegated to some fancy mental institution where he randomly screams “It’s real, the Jedi, the Sith, all of it – REAL!” in the middle of the night.


3. Sony decided that the “Sonyverse” was a better fit for Peter.  Listen, Sony just finally stepped up and did what needed to be done: they realized the bankability of Tom Holland and his portrayal of Peter Parker and decided that he needs to cross over with all the terrible films that Sony put out recently, in order to help boost them up.  Look for Holland’s web-slinger to soon be teaming up with animated emojis, female ghostbusters, smarty-pants characters from Dan Brown novels, Smurfs, and more – they can’t lose!


4. When it comes to other superheroes, Peter Parker simply has a fear of commitment.  Look, you can’t have someone as universally loved in a role as Tom Holland’s take on Spider-Man and expect him to just commit to fighting one set of bad guys in the MCU, am I right?  Sony has Venom!  And the Sinister Six!  And Black Cat!  And… others, I’m sure!  In the immortal words of LEGO Batman from his titular film, “I’d say that I am fighting a few different people right now… I like to fight around.”

via our very own writer Tony Schaab, who loves to make pointless memes


5. DC totally paid Sony to do it.  I mean, they’ve got to try and stop Marvel in the movie theaters somehow, and it’s sure not working with the product they are putting out on screen, am I right?


6. Sony wanted to capitalize on the exclusive rights to future Night Monkey films.  The captured lightning in a bottle when they inadvertently created a new European superhero for Holland to portray after the events of ‘Far From Home,’ so why in god’s name would the company want to give that up?  Hey, if Sony’s animated hit ‘Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse’ proved anything, it’s that audiences are all-in for weird alternate versions of the web-slinger.  Expect a whole slew of mysterious-yet-vaguely-menacing animal-themed films to come your way soon, starting ‘Night Monkey vs. the Philosoraptor!’

Tony made this one too – lot of free time on his hands, apparently


7. The universe just really hates Uncle Ben and can’t wait to kill him again.  I’m not sure what the man did to make the cosmos hate him so much – in fact, he seemed like a nice enough fellow, trying to do good in the world and dispensing nuggets of wisdom to the youth – but he’s died on the silver screen more times than a zombie.  But every time Spider-Man gets a new iteration on film, it seems like the Grim Reaper comes for him again, whether we actually see it on screen or not.  He makes a mean rice product at a fair price, though, so that’s something.


8. Sony is ready to transition Tom Holland to the Broadway stage in a revival of ‘Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark.’  After all – have you seen Tom Holland dance around stage lately?


9. Sony just wanted – nay, needed – to carry on the tradition of screwing up Spider-Man after no more than 3 films.  You can ask Tobey all about this one, kid – but hey, at least he got three actual films with his character as the title draw.  Tom only gets two films and a handful of scenes as an MCU hanger-on, so he really only slightly edges out ol’ Two-and-Done Garfield, at best.


10. It was all just a dream.  Much like in the timeless and much-beloved classic ‘The Wizard of Oz,’ the easiest way to explain this all away is to simply have Peter wake up from some sort of fever dream, surrounded by the people he loves who subconsciously made their way into his little MCU mental fantasy.  I can already hear it now: “Oh, Aunt May, it was terrible!  And Mr. Downey Jr., you were there too.  And you, Miss Zendaya.  And there were Chrises, so many Chrises.  And Mr. L. Jackson, you were there too – but wait, didn’t I see you wielding a light saber in another dream I had? Oh my god – it’s real, it’s all REAL!”