Welcome back AHS fans, to this week’s episode recap of ‘The Replacements’. We open on a restless Fiona, looking saucy as ever in her nightgown as she strolls downstairs for a glass of scotch to take her keep-me-young-please-pill. She begins to flashback on her younger self, and the relationship she had with her old Supreme. Needless to say, Fiona was power hungry in her formative years and once she realized she was destined to be the next generation-Supreme, she decided she had waiting long enough to gain her full power.
She slits her teacher’s throat and asks the feeble butler (played by Denis O’Hare) to clean up her mess, which he humbly does. Flashforward to the present where Fiona gives a stunning inner monologue about how she used to use her power of youth and sex, that she always got her way because it was ‘always her dance’. She’s realizing now that she no longer holds that power and that she is truly depressed at her current state in life. Its very saddening but also riveting to see her act in this manner at a bar, like a cougar on the prowl but no bait in sight.
Fiona later visits a plastic surgeon, at the same time her daughter is visiting her OBGYN to see if the little spell she put on her baby-maker last week actually worked. Unfortunately for both mother and daughter, there is no hope. Fiona is inoperable and Cordelia can not conceive a child in any way shape or form. Life is hard all around for these ladies.
Back at the Robichaux Academy, Nan, Madison and Queenie swoon at mega babe Luke (played by Alexander Dreymon) as he moves into the house next door, shirtless. His bible thumping mother, Joan (played by Patti LuPone) takes notice of the three witches and immediately tells her son to put on a clean shirt and get inside. Touch-y. This doesn’t stop Nan and Madison from forming a welcome wagon with yellow cake and a salacious leave-nothing-to-the-imagination dress. Luke isn’t biting and when mom comes in to witness the scene she exchanges some nasty words with Madison and forbids both girls to see her son or enter their home again.
Madison is enraged and almost shoots a knife into Joan’s head and sets her curtains on fire with her mind before she leaves. A power she was unaware she possessed. Meanwhile, Madame LaLaurie has been settled with the role of maid, one she does not take to liking. As she is a disgusting raciest, she refuses to serve Queenie and throws her lunch on the floor. Fiona sees to it however that LaLaurie is now to become Queenie’s personal ‘slave’ and tells her to do whatever she wants. LaLaurie is pissed but does what Fiona says, for fear of being put back into her special box.
In a fit of desperation, Cordelia goes to visit voodoo queen Marie Laveau, in the hopes of getting a fertility spell. Laveau maps out what exactly they would need to do in order to get Cordelia preggs and the price it would cost. Excitedly, Cordelia agrees to whatever Laveau wants but is then bitch-slapped in the face with the harsh reality of the relationship between Fiona and Laveau. They are sworn enemies and Laveau would sooner burn her house down then do a fertility spell for Cordelia. Cordie had no idea her mom and been to see Laveau before and is saddened and dismayed at her hopeless situation.
One little missing witch, Zoe, goes to visit the mother of her FrankenKyle and sees how truly upset she is (and reviles that she was just about to kill herself before Zoe called for a visit) over losing her boy. Zoe, overcome with guilt, goes to retrieve FrankenKyle from Misty, whom is very reluctant to release him. She cared for him and healed him and all the thanks she gets is being ditched and the only person to comfort her is Stevie Nicks. Poor Misty, still trying so hard to find where she belongs.
Zoe takes Kyle back to his mom’s house, and ding-dong ditches him at the door. Kyle’s mom is overcome with joy at seeing her would-be-dead son and pulls him inside for a reunion of sorts. At the last minute however, Kyle shoots Zoe a ‘please don’t leave me here’ look of distress but Zoe can’t quite get a handle on what he’s trying to tell her so she leaves him. Later that night, we find out what that look was all about – his mother is a molester and takes advantage of a comatose Kyle while he’s laying on his bed, causing him in turn to cry. Such a hard moment to watch, really makes one feel like vomiting.
Meanwhile, Fiona is greeted by Joan back at the school. Joan tells Fiona about the girls coming to her house (enter Madison, with a eat-sh*t-lady look on her face) and that she will call the police if they ever try to come over again. At this point Fiona realizes that Madison is in line to become the next Supreme, and she once again takes matters into her own hands. She takes Madison under her wing and they have a girls day out on the town. Fiona shows Madison how to use some of her new powers, they play pool, drink and flirt with boys – it all seems like a happy scene of a mother and daughter bonding session.
Once they get back to the school however, Fiona reveals to Madison that she is to be the next Supreme and orders her to kill her so that she can gain all of her new powers. Fiona tells her about how she squandered her’s off too quickly and that she still had so much to teach but that Madison was slowly killing her by draining her of her power. Madison refuses to kill Fiona (with the same knife that she used to slit her old Supreme’s throat back in the day) and in what appears to be a legit struggle of Fiona really wanting to die and Madison not wanting to kill her new mentor, Fiona SLITS MADISON’S THROAT. That’s right guys, Madison is dead dead dead. It was fun watching her troll around in next to nothing and you really feel sort of sad to see her go, because she truly believes that what happens to her is an accident and that Fiona was really her friend. Sigh, the naive ways of youth.
Once Madison is drop dead on the floor, the butler re-enters like its old times and Fiona once more orders him to ‘clean up her mess’. In another part of the house, Queenie is waiting for LaLaurie to make her a chicken pot pie (YUM) when all of a sudden the Matador shows up banging on the windows and doors, on a mission to kill LaLaurie. Queenie handles the situation by taking some of LaLaurie’s blood outside on a napkin and luring the Matador into a quiet corner. She goes on about how they deserve love and that they’re ultimately the same person, and encourages the beast to have sex with her. We’re left in suspense when he circles her and covers her shrieking mouth.
Back at Casa de FrankenKyle, his mom has told him that Zoe is going to come over for dinner. She gets slightly jealous over his new GF (again with the vomit) and that no woman will ever really know how to please him the way she does. He then goes into an awesome fit of rage and bashes his moms face in with what appears to be a middle school trophy. GO KYLE! Zoe unfortunately comes in a little too late and only gets to see the bloody aftermath. Since Kyle hasn’t regained all of his speech yet, its going to be tricky to get him to articulate what really transpired between him and his mother, and not that he’s just a monster that wants to kill everyone.
That’s it for this week folks, let us know what you thought of this week’s episode in the comments section below!
