The Empire Strikes Back Against Government’s Dismissal of Building a Death Star

Posted Friday, January 18th, 2013 04:19 pm GMT -4 by 0

Governor Tarkin admonishes Earth for its aggressive tendencies and unimaginative name.

Despite a petition garnering over 34,000 signatures, it seems the dream to build the Death Star by 2016  is over for now. This news has made shock waves not only all over this country, but through the rest of the Empire as well.

In an article entitled “Planet Earth Abandons Death Star Project In Face Of Superior Galactic Imperial Power“, the official Star Wars blog responds that planet Earth”refused to acknowledge the obvious cowardice of their choice, preferring instead to attribute the decision to fiscal responsibility”.

Though, it does seem that Earth has got the powerful Empire quaking slightly in their plastic, uncomfortable boots. The recently demoted and astonishingly not dead Governor Tarkin comments that “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine,” and worries that it would disrupt the peace the Empire has worked so hard to foster.

In addition to that, the Empire also dismisses any claims that the Death Star has any fatal weaknesses that can be exploited by a single fighter pilot, though whether this is hubris, or, covering up obviously leaked defense secrets, it is not certain.  Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet, however, has stated that “any attacks made upon such a station — should one ever be built — would be a useless gesture”.

However, so far, no comment was made on whether or not President Obama’s ability with a light saber, and therefore the Force, gives the Empire cause to feel wary of the Earth’s burgeoning role in the universe and it’s possible ability to maybe bring balance back to the Force.

Still, all of this still begs one important question. If the Earth’s desire to build a Death Star is really such a non-story, why even comment on it at all?

You can read the full text here.