Despite trying everything they could to sell ‘Battleship’ as ‘Transformers 4,’ the boardgame flick sank at the box office this past weekend, scaring up less than this year’s other notorious flop, ‘John Carter’ (also starring poor, not-blame-worthy Taylor Kitch). It has grossed $226.8 million overseas, however, which should soften the blow. And we still have ‘G.I. Joe: Retaliation’ to look forward to, before declaring the toy and game genre “over.”
There are still loads of properties in development from Monopoly to Lego to Candyland. But strangely, some of the most obvious choices have yet to make the transition to the big screen. Here are ten top choices!
10. Monster High
The newest franchise on this list, Monster High is a blazing hot doll line comprised of the offspring of the world’s most famous monsters: Draculaura (Dracula), Frankie Stein (Frankenstein and his Bride), Operetta (The Phantom of the Opera), Abbey Bominable (the Abominable Snowman), and so many more. These teens have to juggle normal high school woes like dating and acne with the possibility of accidentally turning someone to stone if your shades slip off (Deuce Gorgon, son of Medusa) or your troublesome alter ego who gets you into trouble (Jackson Jekyll and Holt Hyde). Like ‘Battleship’ load up the cast with photogenic young stars, for example everyone on The CW. And it has to be better than the ‘Bratz’ movie!
9. Rubik’s Cube
An alien artifact falls to Earth and is unearthed by a group of earnest young archaeologists, but of course the evil military wants to weaponize it. It’s up to… let’s say Noah Wiley to solve the puzzle and use the Cube for good.
8. Care Bears
‘The Smurfs’ and ‘Alvin & the Chipmunks’ proves that kids love CGI critters from the 80s, provided there are ample fart jokes. Meet Flatulence Bear! Cast Aubrey Plaza as a too-cool-for-school hipster who learns to drop the cynicism and be happy!
It’s crazy to think that in over 50 years, America’s most famous fashion icon has never been adapted into live action. The closest she’s come to the big screen is in the ‘Toy Story’ movies, but this famous Astronaut/Surgeon/Rock Star/Pediatrician/Super Hero is like the female Buckaroo Banzai! She can travel the world having crazy adventures with her pals, Ken, Skipper and Black Barbie! Cast all-American girl Emily van Camp, star of ‘Revenge’ as Barbie and adonis Trevor Donovan of ‘90210’ as Ken. And maybe get David Guetta to remix Aqua’s 90s classic “Barbie Girl.” (He remixes everything else, so why not?)
6. Mouse Trap
Ice Cube and Jada Pinket-Smith star as newlyweds who move into their dream house, only to discover… dun, dun DUN, MICE! Rascally CGI mice! ‘Battleship’ cast newcomer, pop star Rihanna. For ‘Mousetrap’ hire fellow tropical native Sean Kingston as Ice Cube’s fat, bumbling nephew. For the climax, they construct a giant replica of the board game that goes haywire!
5. Hungry Hungry Hippos
In Africa, a group of cocky, douche-y American college students tick off the wrong person, an old mystic who invokes the curse of the Hungry Hungry Hippos, giant killer water mammals that go on a rampage. Another pop star casting– in a wink-wink, nudge-nudge– cast Justin Bieber as the first student the Hippos tear limb from limb! That would put butts in seats by itself… especially in 3D!
4. Jem And The Holograms
‘Jem and the Holograms’ is one of the most fondly remembered properties of the 80s, so it’s mind-boggling that Hasbro has never revived the franchise in any capacity. There’s even an annual Jem Con for fans! Powered by a sentient super computer called Synergy, Jem can create realistic holograms, including her pop star disguise. Cast good girl Taylor Swift as pop princess Jem and Avril Lavigne as Pizzazz, leader of their rival band The Misfits.
Mobile Armored Strike Kommand was a toy line that fused G.I. Joe and Transformers. They were militaristic heroes and villains who piloted vehicles that transformed from one mode to another, like the Thunderhawk, a Camaro that turned into a small jet or the Hurricane, a 57 Chevy that turned into a six-wheeled tank. Heck, the team are based in a high tech mountain fortress! How cool is that? Like Jem, Hasbro owns the rights to M.A.S.K. yet hasn’t explored it at all, outside of a one-off action figure of team leader Matt Trakker in the ‘G.I. Joe’ line. Have pop star Lady Gaga play Vanessa Warfield, member of the evil force V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem) just so the “Muh-muh-my Pokerface” singer can reinterpret the “Muh-muh-muh-M.A.S.K.” theme song.
Thundercats have finally made a comeback, thanks to their new Cartoon Network series, which took the somewhat cheesy source material and turned it into a fantasy epic! The Bandai toys? Not so epic. Now that I think about it, the original LJN toys weren’t so hot either. The Thundercats have always been a much cooler concept than their plastic representation would lead you to believe. But if they make a live action movie, hewing closer to their new series, maybe we’ll finally get some high quality ‘Cats on store shelves and pegs.
1. Masters of The Universe
There have been rumblings of a Masters movie for years now, with both John Woo and Ron Silver attached at various points. Then there was the 80s live action movie, which was in many ways just inspired by the cartoons and toys. Created in the 80s as a fusion of science fiction and epic fantasy, set on the world of Eternia, home to flying bird men, insectoids, sorcerers, dragons and fantastic super technology, the bulk of the series depicts super strong champion He-Man (secretly the meek Prince Adam) and his allies defending the mystical stronghold Castle Greyskull against the supernatural mastermind Skeletor. Over the years, the Masters mythos has deepened and been embellished into a rich mythology ripe for the live action treatment. And the perfect post-credit scene? Hordak!
There are so many other possibilities! Visionaries, Battle Beasts… Operation? Slinky? If they’re developing a Lego movie, anything is possible. What toy line, past or present would you like to see on the big screen? Comment below!