harry potter

In 2007, the very last book in the beloved seven-part ‘Harry Potter’ series was released. Since then, fans have been given other stories set in JK Rowling’s wizarding world, but there were never any plans for an eighth novel. While this is a disappointment for fans, the good news is that a company has used predictive keyboards to write a chapter of a new ‘Harry Potter’ book that is….different to say the least.

Botnik Studios, which identifies itself on Twitter as a “Human-machine creative force,” has provided some rather interesting reading material for the holiday season, none of it written by an actual human. The text, titled ‘Harry Potter And the Portrait Of What Looked Like A Large Pile Of Ash,’ was written by a computer that was given knowledge of all seven of JK Rowling’s ‘Potter’ books. The result features characters like Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but is considerably more ridiculous than anything from the real novels. One passage reads:

“Leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry’s ghost as he walked across the grounds toward the castle. Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione’s family.”

Sounds like a weird ‘Harry Potter,’ ‘Walking Dead’ crossover waiting to happen! While the text doesn’t all track logically, there is a showdown with Voldemort involved after the trio decides to spy on what is a shockingly polite meeting between Death Eaters. Harry takes on his foe, but his defense against the dark arts is a bit different than fans will remember. The passage reads:

“Harry could tell that Voldemort was standing right behind him. He felt a great overreaction. Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest. Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment.”

Eye-ball throwing is certainly a new approach to the Wizard’s Duel!

The entire thing is only a little over three pages long and can be read on Botnik’s official website. Fair warning: don’t read this in a public place. Because it will make you laugh a lot.