ahs-freak-show

Can you feel it? That slight tingle you get running up your spine? That delicious feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes your toes curl and your back arch?  That’s right people, lean into it. Its the first round of the two-part-Halloween episodes of ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’, and Ryan Murphy came to play this year.

The Halloween episodes are always my favorite in this series, because let’s face it, Halloween is the best time of the year. Period. And THIS year  we have a clown. The best clown ever. Twisty. My main squeeze and showstopper of ‘AHS.’ Can I take a pause to give a serious shout out to the Carpenter-esque sequence in which Dandy fancies himself a killer clown like young ‘Michael Myers’ (god it was breathtaking) in putting on his mask and almost killing his housekeeper? He’s a pansy so he didn’t do it, but honestly, I fangirled so hard over this scene it was embarrassing. Also let big brothers everywhere heed this episode as a warning; if you are mean to your cute as a button and seemingly wise beyond her years sister, Twisty will come for you. 4WYphLk

Turing to our favorite two headed sisters, we see Dot having a wet dream about being surgically removed from Bette, so that she can pursue her new found fame and more importantly, so she can get her groove on with Jimmy. Being of one mind, Bette has the same dream, but for her, its more of a nightmare. “Aren’t you going to miss me?”… Um no, Bette. Not while I’m in the throws of passion with Jimmy ‘Penishands’, I will not.

For those of you that didn’t watch last night’s episode, I feel sorry for you. For those of you that did, I have three words for you: LANA DEL REY. That’s right, viewers – in this weeks installment, AHS payed homage to the dark queen of pop herself, in a rendition by Elsa Mars of ‘Gods and Monsters’.American-Horror-Story-Freak-Show-Elsa-Mars-850x560Although the episode wasn’t centered on Lana’s death dystopic like melodies, the song sure got the attention of urban legend, Edward M0rdrake (AKA Lord Voldemort/Professor Quirrell). I love where this story-line is headed (pun intended) and the character of Mordrake, but it sort of felt like ‘AHS’ was ripping pages out of ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone’ with the face-in-the-back-of-the-head routine.

The relevance of Mordrake is as follows: This handsome, rich, well-bread and musical bad-ass Earl has a little problem. He has an evil face on the back of his skull, rumored to only be able to laugh and cry in public, but whisper horrible nothings into Mordrake’s ear in private. In life, he was committed to an insane asylum (hello Season 2) but escaped and joined a Freak Show. He eventually went legitimately mad and murdered all the freaks in his company, on Halloween night.American-Horror-Story-Freak-Show-Edward-Mordrake

Hence forth, no Freak Show in its right mind performs on Halloween, as it will summon Mordrake and he’ll kill every single person that crosses his path. Guess Elsa missed the memo when she went onstage and risked the lives of her beloved troupe by singing that little Lana number. Well at least she gained one new fan in Mordrake. Win for Elsa.

Why would she do such a thing, you ask? Well, when phony-maybe-not-phoney-maybe-yes-phoney fortune teller, Maggie Esmerelda (seriously on the name, guys?) shows up and starts running her ‘I can see into the future and past’ mouth off at Elsa to get a job, things take a turn for the narcissistic.

Esmerelda has other motives other than ego stroking, as her and the apparently very well endowed Denis O’Hare (they had to throw him a bone, he’s been grotesquely featured in.Every. Single. Season. So far) are in cahoots together for a little homicide and a little money making. More as this story develops but I feel a ‘But I’m a good girl and don’t want to do this anymore” speech coming on.normal_still002

In sadder developments, Ethel the Bearded Lady  learns from her kind hearted doctor that she only has six months to a year to live. She’s dying of cirrhosis of the liver, so naturally she goes on a bender and has a little chat with Jimmy’s father, The Strong Man. She lets him in on her secret and begs him to help look after Jimmy once she’s gone. Tears. Booze. Beards. Its all sad. The Strong man (allegedly  not so ‘strong’ in the sack lately) has other things on his mind but cant resist taking a jab at Ethel in her darkest hour, when he reveals that he never loved her. Because dying wasn’t harsh enough. 

In conclusion, this episode rocked my f*cking socks off and I literally can not wait for the final Halloween episode next week. For now viewers, I leave you with the infamous words of Lana –

“Fame, liquor , love – give it to me slowly”… I need a cold shower.

Tell us in the comments section below what you thought of this weeks segment!