american horror story coven

‘American Horror Story’, you’ve done it again. You’ve out camped yourself! I applaud you. Truly I was tickled watching this week’s episode ‘Head’ (aptly named). For those of you that missed it, here is your weekly recap!

ahs-coven-309We open on a young Hank out on a hunting trip with his dear ol’ dad. Hunting wabbits you ask? Nope, sorry, we’re hunting witches. Hank has a hard time with pulling the trigger on a shrieking witch that stands before him but when she sets his dad on fire, sh*t pretty much hits the fan.  Hank’s daddy takes matters into his own hands and puts the witch down himself. Making memories with family sure is fun.

Flash forward to the now ruggedly handsome but still unlikable Hank, the all grown up version. Turns out his Dad took his witch hunting to the next level and became the head of the Delphi Trust, which is an ancient organization that has been hunting witches for centuries. When Hanks dad is continually disappointed in his son’s performance as a witch spy/killer, he reveals that they were the ones behind Cordelia’s acid face burning incident. They wanted to make sure she ‘needed’ him so they created a situation they though would make it happen. Men are so smart.

Unlikable Hank is slightly hurt that they did this to his wife but they quickly remind him that she is the witchy scum of the earth and must be destroyed. We’re also introduced to a silver bullet at this time, but more on that later.

Delphine-LaLaurie-Head-CovenIn an awesome turn of events, Fiona swallows her mega ego and takes the head of LaLaurie back to voodoo queen, Marie. Coming to the hair salon of your sworn enemy with a severed head inside a box, man, Fiona really knows how to make an entrance. In a stroke of comedic genius, we see LaLauries body waving to her head as she passes by. AMAZING. Once in the privacy of Marie’s back room, Fiona again urges her to formulate a plan in getting rid of their witch hunting menace. Marie again says no and will worry about the Delphi when the time comes. Queenie is still on the voodoo side of things and hilariously makes LaLaurie’s severed head watch Roots, convinced it will make her un-raciest. Yah, good luck with that one. Queenie also feeds LaLaurie snacks (behind Marie’s back) which opens up a whole new set of weirdness.

Over to the sorority witch house, Myrtle is resuming her role as suto-mom to Cordelia and the reunion is actually pretty cute, you can tell these two really care about each other. And when two people care about each other, they do some crazy stuff to make the other happy. Say for example, inviting the two council members that burned Myrtle at the stake over for some ice cream and eye gouging. Myrtle uses her Martha Stewart knowledge and uses the tiny ice cream scooper to ‘scoop’ out one eye from each of the council members that betrayed her. She is going to give them to Cordelia and restore her sight, like any good mother would do. We see her later disposing of their body parts in a vat of acid which was gross and triumphant. The situation is a win win – Cordie gets new eyes and Myrtle gets her revenge.american-horror-story-coven-episode-9-2

With these new eyes though, Cordie loses her ‘second’ sight but it seems like she’s pretty happy about it. She’s got enough on her plate to deal with: she’s giving Hank’s things the heave-ho, she’s playing Professor Sprout (Harry Potter fans, get at me) with Misty as they listen to Stevie Nicks, she’s restoring order to the coven, she gets a new canine companion, she’s just an all over badass.

Speaking of canine, this dog has spidey senses when it meets Hank and goes ballistic on him with the barking. Fiona doesn’t allow the dog to hurt Hank for real, but the emotional pain she inflicts on him pretty much does the trick. The dog also notices a strange presence coming from Zoe’s room where low and behold Fiona meets FrankinKyle. Too bad for the pooch, FrankinKyle doesn’t play well with animals. Seriously, it took Fiona long enough to find this guy. She takes this opportunity to restore Kyle’s speech and make him smart enough to play cards with her in the kitchen. FINALLY. Thank the stars above I thought it would never happen!

At this point the girls go on a little outing to Luke’s hospital room where a dutiful Nan is sitting by his side. Crazy mama Joan isn’t a fan of the girls being there, but eases up when Nan starts communicating with Luke telepathically and reveals things that only Joan would know. Say for example the fact that she killed her husband by putting bees in his car when he was getting a little somethin’ somethin’ with Joan’s bookclub friend. Guess that book was really boring. Joan freaks a little but when Nan tells her Luke wants her to sing, she embraces her and they hug it out. Awwwwww. Not so fast, gentle readers. Once the girls feel comfortable with leaving him alone with his mom, she immediately smothers him with a pillow after he’s taken off of incubation and wakes up. Deal with your issues, lady!

Whether he’s really dead or not is something we’ll have to wait and find out next episode.

Back at hub voodoo, Queenie checks on LaLaurie to see if she’s now a non-raciest (because that can happen in a few hours) but alas, LaLaurie closed her eyes the entire time during Roots just to spite her. B*tch! Don’t fret because Queenie uses a secret weapon in playing “Oh Freedom,” which eventually breaks LaLaurie down and she begins to cry tears of remorse. Or maybe she’s just really sad because her nose itches but she can’t scratch it because she is a severed head.

At this point, the episode starts to come full circle. While LaLaurie is having a moment with the song, unlikable Hank who has been scorned on all sides of his life – he can’t get the approval of his father, he’s cast out of his voodoo deal with Marie and his wife wants nothing to do with him. At this point he figures “what the hell, I’ve got nothing left to lose”. Well the one thing we can count on unlikable Hank for is sucking at pretty much everything. His brilliant plan is to go in guns a blazing with silver bullets to the voodoo den and just go down in a blaze of glory. Or stupidity, either one. The unfortunate thing about stupidity is that sometimes it works. He pretty much kills anyone in his eyeline and gets a shot off at Queenie. He turns his attention to Marie but right as he’s about to shoot her, Queenie puts one of unlikable Hank’s fallen guns into her mouth and pulls the trigger. Wait, is she really dead? NO, NOT QUEENIE!!

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We end with Marie at the footsteps of Fiona’s charming little witch school, finally ready to make a plan of attack against the hunters. Bummer for us, this is the winter finale and the show won’t return until January 2014, so use your winter break to marathon this epic third season of AHS. I know that’s what I’ll be doing! Let us know in the comments section below what you think of ‘Head’, and whether or not Ryan Murphy has finally lost his.