Asteroid Won’t Hit Earth in 2040 – You Still Need to Go Into Work the Next Day

Posted Wednesday, December 26th, 2012 07:55 pm GMT -4 by

Well, unless you already sent out your Armageddon-themed Evite for your epic end-of-the-world party in 2040, we can all breathe a sigh of relief… mainly because we can avoid an Armageddon -themed party but also because the world is no longer scheduled to end.

NASA has officially confirmed that the asteroid, called 2011 AG, is no longer a threat to the planet Earth.

Back in January, NASA discovered 2011 AG and predicted a possibility of the asteroid’s trajectory colliding with Earth sometime in February of 2040. However, NASA has confirmed that the asteroid’s trajectory has changed and, now, there’s less than a 0.2% chance of 2011 AG coming in contact with our planet.

Phew! Now, it’s back to worrying about which type of Cheerios I should have for dinner tonight.

So, yes, I guess this means you have to continue putting on pants in the morning. Sorry.

That being said, I want to suggest avoiding the following things:

  • Working on an oil rig, thinking there’s a loophole to qualify to go into space
  • Summoning the courage to be the leader your wise grandpa said you were born to be
  • Telling the girl next door how you really feel about her
  • Kissing the girl next door after telling her how you really feel about her
  • Confessing to a callous veteran that you’re really their child
  • Calling your bat-crazy mother to tell her you love her
  • Inadvertently saving a dog
  • Feeling vindicated for your memory of aliens probing you (even though this is an asteroid and NOT an alien attack, silly. Clearly this is your logic, not mine.)
  • Telling your ex-wife how you really feel, thinking you’ll never see her again
  • Kissing your ex-wife after telling her how you really feel, thinking you’ll never see her again
  • Telling your current wife that you kissed the girl next door, thinking you’ll never see her again
  • Inadvertently saving a politician
  • Inadvertently saving your bat-crazy mother … and her dog

 

Let me know if there’s anything else we should be avoiding now that we’ll be around to see 2041.

This is actually pretty good news because 2041 is when I planned on calling my mom.

  • dusk

    If I follow the timeline correctly, then I have just one question. Why would anyone ever live next door to their ex-wife even after remarrying another lady?

    • Becky Feldman

      In case an asteroid hits Earth…

      • dusk

        …it would be a salvation, cuz’ being caught in the carnage between my wife and my ex-wife and the other girl next door, who’s actually my childhood sweetheart, is living hell.

  • AnOutsider

    ….what did I just read?