Tame – that is one word to describe Vampires today, another would be sparkly. Vampires of the past used to send shivers down our spines, blood loss to our hearts and fear outside our bedroom windows. What happened to those guys? To pay homage to the demonic life suckers of a more horrific persuasion, we thought we’d list off some of our favorite Vampires of all time, enjoy! Or maybe that should be beware….
5. Vampire Family in ‘Near Dark’:
The family that drains together, stays together or at least that’s the motto for this cozy little vampire family from the 1987 film, ‘Near Dark’. The story follows a family of 5 (equipped with Mom, Dad, teenage daughter and son, and little brother) as they wander around a small town out west, looking for new companions to recruit (or should we say turn) into the newest members of their loving clan. Sure it sounds like Little House on the Prairie with fangs, but when it comes to feeding time, the only thing sweet about these guys is the smile on their faces as they’re draining the life out of you. True teenage daughter Mae, played by Jenny Wright, tries to stay away from this kind of lifestyle, but that doesn’t stop this selfish Sally from turning the innocent Caleb (played by Adrian Pasdar) into her own personal creature of the night. Stand out in this group is Bill Paxton who plays the corn-fed idiot vampire Severen, who is as evil as he is hilarious.
4. Tom Cruise – ‘Interview with a Vampire’:
Normally he’s known for his I’m-the-good-guy-who’s-going-to-save-your-life-and-then-kiss-you-passionately-as-explosions-go-off-in-the-background action hero, but in ‘Interview with a Vampire’ he breaks out as one of the most ruthless vampires known in history. He plays I-don’t-have-a-soul-and-I-like-it Lestat in the 1994 film adaptation of Anne Rice’s bestselling novel of the same name. Sure he might be pretty, but behind that smooth skin and flowing hair lies a cold blooded killer who will say and do pretty much anything to tap that vein of yours. Lestat considers humans food and has no problem playing with his meals as he slowly tortures them and relishes every delicious bite while laughing at their demise. Not someone you’d want to invite to dinner but defiantly someone you’d take hair care tips from.
3. Keifer Sutherland – ‘The Lost Boys’:
Wait, Billy Idol is a vampire?! Oh just kidding, that’s Keifer Sutherland as David the undead in the 1987 film The Lost Boys. What makes this rebel yell is blood, blood, blood. Sleeping all day and partying all night has never looked so cool, until of course this vampire leader starts breaking skulls and sucking blood from brains, literally. With no respect for human life or authority, Keifer strikes fear and jealousy into the hearts of teens everywhere with his bad boy attitude, sweet ass motorcycle and awesome man cave near the beach (or is that nest?). With street creds like that, who wouldn’t want to be a part of this ragtag group of vampires?
2. Kim Ok-bin – ‘Thirst’:
This little Korean vixen plays Tae-ju, a salacious woman turned vampire in the 2009 horror film, ‘Thirst’. Based on the novel Thérèse Raquin by Émile Zola, Tae-ju seduces priest turned vampire Sang-hyun (played by Song Kang-ho). She manipulates and lies to Priest-Vamp about her husband abusing her, Priest-Vamp then kills said husband to protect Tae-ju, she then comes clean about her lie, which leads to Priest-Vamp snapping her neck. However he quickly decides he doesn’t want to be without this saucy minx for eternity and turns her into his vampire lover. Once she’s turned, it’s like hell hath no fury like a blood thirsty woman. She goes on a merciless killing spree, becoming one of the cruelest vampires of all time. Sure she meets the sun thus ending her tirade but the bloody trail of bodies she leaves behind is one for the ages. Just remember to never judge a book by its cover, for that cover may rip your neck open and gargle with your blood.
1. The Vampires of ‘30 Days of Night’:
In a small town in Alaska, the sun disappears for 30 days, which makes this little frozen tundra a slice of murderous heaven by a group of bloodthirsty vampires (I mean come on, what else would they be thirsty for? Mountain Dew?). This horror comic book and mini-series was adapted to film in 2007 and had audiences and residences of Alaska alike shaking in their collective boots. What makes these vamps special is that they are absolutely ruthless and have no resemblance of a soul or remorse for human life whatsoever. In most vamp flicks, there is at least some respect for human life and the conflict of ending it. Not these guys – they use a human teenage girl as bait to lure other town folk with blood still pumping in their veins out of their hiding places so that they can massacre them once they emerge. When the living aren’t fooled by this ploy, the vampires brutally devour the poor girl by ripping her apart and torturing her as she pleads for her life. Note to self – leave Alaska to the Polar Bears and Penguins.
Honorable Mentions: Here are a few that didn’t quite make the cut but wanted to give them props for all of their heart stopping excellence:
- Kate Beckinsale – ‘Underworld’: Vampire Sex Goddess in a leather jumpsuit, need I say more?
- The Count of ‘Sesame Street’: OONNNNNNEEEEE Dead body AH AH AH! TTTWWWWWOOOOO Severed Heads AH AH AH!
- Dracula – Let’s face it he’s the original gangster vamp
Well we hope you’re thoroughly drenched in blood and enjoyed our little list. If we missed a neck nibbler you feel warrants making the cut, feel free to add them to the comments section below. Or if you disagree with any of our selections, please leave your contact information in the comments section below, so we can hunt you down and scare the living daylights out of you. Thanks!